How to teach your child to stop complaining. 4 parenting tips.

Sometimes, it seems like the only way to be heard is to complain. After all, how can we honestly expect our partners, family, and friends to know what we want or need if we do not complain about it? While voicing our concerns is encouraged, we must learn to raise any issue constructively and teach our children to do the same. 

1. Recognize and accept the difference between a complaint and a request. 

A complaint usually involves someone taking responsibility for their feelings but not offering a solution (i.e., "I get so upset when you don't do the dishes."). If you notice, there's no request included in this, so I think this statement could be used to blame you for how you feel. After all, the only thing conveyed is how upset one's actions make you.  

A request lets you make your desires known without speaking negatively about a person or situation. (i.e., "Would you mind doing the dishes after dinner?"). Requesting this allows room for negotiation. No feelings are involved, and it is just a request that will enable both parties to communicate in a healthy, blameless way.  

You encourage positive, blame-free communication within your home by making requests instead of complaints. As is the case with anything, it takes practice and commitment, so here are a few more things you can do to teach yourself and your family not to complain. 

2. Practice gratitude.

Start by teaching your kids to say please and thank you. Then, each day, when they wake up, create a routine to practice gratitude for what your family has. Write down what you are thankful for, meditate, or pray together to reinforce the importance of gratitude. By entering the day with a grateful heart, you'll likely not complain about small things. 

3. Make requests or wishes a part of your routine.

It can be in the morning before school and work or during dinner. Ask your children if they have any requests, and take the time to negotiate accordingly. This ensures everyone is on the same page, and arguments are less likely to happen later.  

4. Designate request jars for your household.

Using request jars allows requests to be made and addressed at an appropriate time. For example, you're headed out when you notice the trash hasn't been taken. You can write the chore to take out the trash on paper and place it in your loved one's request jar. This allows them to check the jar when they get home and ask questions or negotiate afterward. Do you like the idea but need something a little less low-tech? Then, utilize a universal wish list like Wishfinity for your rewards.